Settling In, Starting Over - and Trusting What I’ve Built
Well...this is new!
Note: This post is based on the above voice recording. For your ease of reading and my ease of putting something meaningful out while I’m healing I took the transcript and let AI streamline it, maintaining my tone and phrasing, but cutting repetition. If you want my unedited message, please listen to the recording :)
Still Here
Hi everybody! I haven’t posted a real post (as opposed to a note) in a while. It’s been about two or three weeks, I think. I’ve been settling into my new life, my new flat, and had to prioritise all of that.
I decided to use the break as an exercise in trust - trusting that what I’ve already built will still be here when I come back. And it looks like it is. That’s a good lesson for me, and maybe for you too.
If you hadn’t noticed my absence, that’s okay - you’ve got your own lives. I just wanted to say I’m still here and I’m coming back. It seems I’ve created enough of a back catalogue to keep attracting new readers even when I’m offline. That’s a big relief - and that trust (mine and yours) in me and what I’ve built supports my healing.
Choosing Myself
That’s really what this time is about: figuring myself out as a middle-aged woman with a lot going on - health-wise, relationally, financially, and business-wise. So many things have been clashing for so long that I decided to focus on myself.
That’s also why I ended my relationship. I’m not here to demonise anyone - it’s just a fact. I’ll probably talk more about it at some point, because it’s an important part of my healing and writing about finding your voice.
I found a rental back in the place I call home - Edinburgh, Scotland. I wasn’t born here, but the first time I touched down, I felt it immediately. It’s a beautiful city, and autumn here is perfection: crisp air, golden leaves, scarves, coats - and of course, the odd person still in shorts, because it’s Scotland.
Learning to Be on My Own
I’m figuring out what was the relationship and what was me. I haven’t really been single - properly single - in a very long time. Living alone at almost 50 is a learning curve. It feels late in life for a first, but I knew I needed this experience.
It’s not about punishment or blame. It’s about facing what I’ve been afraid to face - being on my own, building a new social circle, widening my world.
I’ve also started reaching out - something I wouldn’t have done even a year ago. I recently posted in a women’s Facebook group, just honestly saying I was looking for friends and connection. It took a week of anxiety before I could post it, and when I did, I thought no one cared - until I realised the admins hadn’t approved it yet.
Once it went live, I got hundreds of likes and messages. Real conversations are happening in the comments, and I’ve already met some wonderful women. I’m setting up second meet-ups now, and it feels good. Not scary, just… exciting.
That’s growth. That’s proof that the work I’ve been doing these past two years is paying off.
Rest and Rebuilding
In between new coffee chats, I rest - or try to. Catching up with old friends can be restful. So can a walk, a lazy sofa day, or crappy TV.
Right now, I’ve got the fire on (gas, but still cosy), a candle lit, and I’m slowly making this temporary flat feel like home. I’ve rented it for about six months - time I’ve set aside just to focus on me.
Because ultimately, that’s what I help others do - focus on themselves, listen to the voice that’s been trying to be heard, and act accordingly. And now I’m walking my own talk.
Doing the Work
I’ve always had imposter syndrome, but I also have enough evidence that I do help people. I just don’t want to do it at the expense of my own health anymore.
Avoidance has been a big theme for me - figuring out what I’ve been avoiding, and why. There’s always a reason, and I’m learning to meet it with compassion.
I’m doing inner child work too - literally talking out loud to her. I tell her, “We’ve got this. You can play, I’ll take the lead. We’re safe. We’re loveable. We’re likeable.”
And it’s working.
Where I’m At
I’m taking care of myself in ways I never have before, and I’m proud of that. I’m doing the things I used to avoid. I’m doing them scared, but I’m doing them.
I’m still here - still writing, still healing, still learning to trust what I’ve built.
To everyone new who’s joined while I was away: welcome. I’m really glad you’re here.
Let’s see what’s next.
This is an incredibly honest post, and one that I definitely identify with. It sounds like you are moving forward in a healthy way and the community piece is so important. I'm hoping to find more of that, it can feel very lonely in a midlife transition. Thank you for sharing.
Sounding positive!